This week's UK cinema releases

Happy Friday 13th everybody

Here's the 411 on what hits the screens this weekend...

Friday 13th

Pretty people being terrorised by a man in a hockey mask. The director of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake brings you a fourth instalment of the slasher franchise.

Bolt

Hmmmmmm... Monsters Vs. Aliens looks WAY better. And even though it's just her voice, and not her chipmunk teeth, we can't stomach Miley Cyrus in anything.

Hotel For Dogs

Unsubscribe x1 billion.

Notorious

This is the story of Notorious B.I.G. Only in this version, Biggie isn't a crack-dealing, gun-toting gangster. A glorified TV movie which belongs on Channel 5.

Pink Panther 2

"The world's greatest detective isn't what he used to be."
i.e. Funny. Oh Steve Martin, why would you do this? And why would you do this twice?

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Fiiiiinally, something actually worth seeing this week. I don't like Woody Allen films as a rule... I know this is tantamount to sacrilege, especially on a movie blog, but this one gets off to a good start by not having Woody Allen in front of the camera. Instead, there's a very pretty ensemble of Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz, Scarlett Johansson and Brit newcomer Rebecca Hall sharing the screen with an equally pretty Spanish setting and soundtrack.

Also released today:
Ayan
Billo Barber
Moscow, Belgium
F*CK
Three Monkeys
Tyson

Meanwhile... Across the pond

A little thing called the Grammys, where they give 110 (!) awards, took place.

Best Soundtrack went to Juno, which was up against American Gangster, August Rush, Mamma Mia and Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street.

Best Score was awarded to James Newton Howard & Hans Zimmer for The Dark Knight. They beat John Williams (on his birthday) who was in the running for Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull as well as Iron Man (Ramin Djawadi), There Will Be Blood (Jonny Greenwood) and Wall-E (Thomas Newman).

'Canciones De Amor' by Mariachi Divas won Best Regional Mexican Album and Best Hawaiian Music Album was 'Ikena' by Tia Carrere and Daniel Ho.

It's a Slumdog Sweep

The BAFTAs took place in a very rainy Londontown yesterday evening and we're pleased to report that it was a Slumdog Millionaire's night.

Danny Boyle's harrowing and heartwarming rags to riches tale took home seven statues, including the cherry-on-top award, Best Film. Deservedly so.

Acting nods went to Kate Winslet for The Reader, Mickey Rourke for The Wrestler, Penelope Cruz for Vicky Cristina Barcelona and the late Heath Ledger for his formidable Joker in The Dark Knight.

Kylie Minouge was taken out of her cryogenic chamber and defrosted in time to present AR Rahman with the Music Award for Slumdog Millionaire (our (Sound)Track Of The Week a couple of weeks ago).

The BAFTAs are a good indication of what's to come in the Oscars in a fortnight's time, as many of the voters are in both academies. Allow for a little less Brit patriotism, but Kate Winslet should be on course for her first nod. And it's about bleedin' time.

Meanwhile... Angelina Jolie took time out of her busy world-saving schedule to look smug and humourless. We think she may actually be a fembot. Unconfirmed reports suggest she's looking into adopting Dev Patel.

Mick Jagger defied the ancient laws of the autocue by actually being funny. Even Angelina (who only seems to have two facial expressions: 'I'm too good for this' or Tyra Banks' 'smile with your eyes' look from America's Next Top Model) managed to crack a laugh. Mickey Rourke also brought some colour (and colourful language) to speech proceedings... Why don't more people say how they feel about winning the award, instead of reading out a boring list of names no-one cares about? They didn't win it, YOU did.

Jonathan Ross was back where he belongs and on form. We've missed you JR. Or @Wossy as you're now known in Twitterworld (he and Stephen Fry are the only ones who make that website tolerable).

Thandie Newton looked like a toothpick with the face of a ventriloquist's dummy as usual. Fortunately, we weren't subjected to any of her 'acting'.

We can't be bothered to type out all the winners, we'd much rather look at photos of all the ladies in their pretty dresses. If this displeases you, follow this link: BAFTA Winners - full list

Happy Birthday

Today is John Williams' big day. The man who composed instantly recognisable film scores, such as Star Wars, Jaws and Superman, was born 77 years ago in New York. In his time he's won 20 Grammys, seven BAFTAs, five Oscars, four Golden Globes. What a showboat.

Williams recently completed the score for Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince and his next project will be Bryan Singer's Superman Returns follow-up.

The STV Bullet-Point News

• Slumdog Millionaire is No.1 in the UK Box Office Charts
• The BAFTAs are this Sunday
• The big UK releases this weekend are: The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button and He's Just Not That Into You
• The Sex & The City sequel has been confirmed (you heard it here third, remember?)
• Christian Bale is a twat

This week's UK cinema releases (6 Feb)

Doubt



Amy Adams and Meryl Streep (with Philip Seymour Hoffman) and their Oscar nom-worthy performances. It looks good (Meryl, if you're reading this, which you probably are, this had better make up for the execrable HRT explosion that was Mamma Mia) but I think I'll wait for the DVD - it's no popcorn event.

The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button

The most highly-anticipated release of the year so far. We'll be checking if it's worth its 13 Oscar noms this weekend.

He's Just Not That Into You

We're donning our Marc Jacobs wellies and heading through the snowflakes to the multiplex for this delightful fluff later on today.

Who Killed Nancy?

Well-timed as we've recently been undergoing a morbid fascination with Sid and Nancy... We'll wait for the DVD though as it's a The Future Is Unwritten: Joe Strummer-style doc. Lets hope it's better that that pile of shit 1986 Gary Oldman effort.

Punisher: War Zone

Unsubscribe.

The Good The Bad The Weird

It's a Western. A Korean Western. A.Maze.Ing.

The Secret Of Moonacre

We're sure it's good, if you like that sort of thing (I don't FYI). I'm no psychic, but I predict I'll be watching this in pyjamas on BBC1 on Boxing Day afternoon in a couple of years' time, drifting in and out of consciousness.

And that, as they say, is that.

Amazing tracks which appear on trailers and not in the film

This happens all the time and it's rubbish. A bit like when L'Oreal advertise mascara and put false eyelashes on the model. It's all lies, lies, lies.

I have no desire to see Frost/Nixon, largely due to the fact that Michael Sheen makes me feel uncomfortable. I think it's his nostrils. But the clever trailer put-togetherers almost fooled me into seeing it by including one of The Most Amazing Songs Ever Written - 'Baba O'Riley' by The Who. Luckily, I know their game and I just twizzled the wheel of my iPod until the synths-on-speed intro reached my ears.

Revolutionary Road uses a beautiful Nina Simone track called 'Wild Is The Wind' for its trailer and, again, it doesn't appear in the film. But it should. If you're dying to see a film containing 'Wild Is The Wind', and your life won't be fulfilled until you do, add Kinky Boots to your LoveFilm rental queue because it does indeed feature this song. And that is a Straight To Video exclusive.

Buy Baba O'Riley by The Who here: (you really should)
Buy 'Wild Is The Wind' by Nina Simone here:

Christian Bale The Musical

L.A. remixer Revolucian has put a donk on Christian Bale's delightful tirade from the set of Terminator:Salvation and it's actually not that offensive to the ears...

We're going to be playing it at the next Straight To Video night in London (Saturday 28 February at Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes, with special guest Phill Jupitus).

Ummmmmm...

Oh dear, Christian Bale. Oh dear.

Straight To Video's HOW TO #1

THE HAND JIVE

If you come to a Straight To Video night (and come you should), you'll notice a distinct lack of music from Grease. That's because the thought of drunk people singing Summer Lovin' is too hideous to imagine. It's not a hen night, people.

The only Grease track allowed anywhere near our CDJs is 'Born To Hand Jive' by Sha Na Na. Because it's amazing.

In order to dance in the correct fashion to this particular song, you will need:
• 2x hands (1x pair of hands will probably do though)
• this song:

Instructions:
1. Pat your hands on your thighs twice

2. Clap your hands twice
3. Criss-cross your hands; right hand above, then right hand below
4. Making two fists, hit your hands together twice with the right hand on top and twice with left hand on top (also known as the mashed potato)
5. Make a thumbs-up sign with your right hand and point backwards over right shoulder twice, as if you were hitchhiking, then do the same with your left hand.
6. Repeat all steps until you run out of music

So there you have it. Once you've got that down, you can start freestyling like Cha Cha DiGregorio...